What they don’t tell you about prepping for a bikini comp
The face I make when my food is ready…
When I first signed up with my coach one of the first things he asked was ‘why do you want to do it?’ ‘It looks fun!’ I replied.
I was right!
The glitz! The glam! The tan! Strutting your stuff on a stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people in the most expensive piece of material per square inch you will ever buy!
You think you know what you’re in for when you decide to do a bodybuilding competition. Yeh, I know I’m gonna be hungry, sore and tired, that comes with the territory.
But there’s a few ‘interesting’ things they don’t tell you when you sign up!
1. You’re going to eat in a lot of strange places and eat a lot of cold food
Peak for me was sitting in my car outside the dermatologist (I was early for my appointment so I could eat my food…), eating my (cold) meal of rice, turkey mince and veggies with an old supermarket loyalty card having forgotten any actual utensils.
I’ve eaten out of tupperware in cinemas, at restaurants/bars, on trams and buses, random park benches and also at a march in the city for women’s rights (I’m here to take down the patriarchy but I also want to get my gains).
2. You’re going to get blisters from the hours of cardio
That’s me right now. I’ve got blisters on six of my toes and the balls of my feet feel bruised. But that’s what 15k steps a day in converse (yes, I know, I know) will get you.
3. You’re going to pee, a lot
Especially towards the end of prep. I aim to drink at least 3-4 litres of water a day and I imagine that will only go up as we get closer to the stage. I swear all I do right now is to drink water and pee. Good for NEAT levels I guess. I also now choose my work outfits purely on how easy they are to remove to pee. I legit once Googled ‘do I have diabetes’ because someone told me a sign of that was increased peeing. I don’t have diabetes.
4. You’re going to be really, really cold
Once the body fat starts dropping, especially those last few weeks, you’re gonna be cold most of the time. On the bright side, it makes my infrared saunas a bit more bearable as they now just warm me up nicely!
5. Towards the end of prep, you’re going to need to sit down… a lot
If there is a seat to be found, you bet I’m sitting in it. Stairs are also quite the adventure for me right now. Especially the ones at work. I’m not quite sure why they hurt so much?
6. You will get weird, unexplainable bruises... in really random places
And they last for aaaaages. I don’t remember walking into anything yet I have bruises on really random body parts, like my tricep and side of my thigh. I also have two really attractive bruises on my hip bones from the heavy hip thrusts I do twice a week.
7. Your coach is going to see you pretty much naked more than anyone else
Or, in my case, the only person to see you naked except yourself… When you strip off every Saturday morning to be weighed, measured and photographed - you very quickly become a lot more comfortable wearing very little clothes in front of people. Bodes well for getting on stage.
8. You’re going to get pretty comfortable talking about your bowel movements
You have to really. They’re a pretty good indicator of how your body is responding to your meal plan. Also, what I find really interesting, is that when you’re eating the same thing every day, it becomes really easy to find out what you might be a little bit intolerant to if you notice bloating etc. when you put something new in. It’s a pretty effective elimination diet really.
9. Really weird combinations of food are going to start to taste really good..
During those last few weeks of prep when food becomes more bland and you start taking things like salt (precious salt!) out, certain things start to taste real good. Probably peaked when I put cinnamon on my fish. Don’t knock it until you try it! The cucumber with stevia and cinnamon also seems to be a crowd pleasure. Seems like cinnamon is the GOAT here to be honest.
10. Everyone is going to get really annoying all of a sudden
Why is everyone so loud? I swear they weren’t this annoying last week. Nope. You’re just unfathomably tired and hungry thus everyone seems to be much more annoying than you can tolerate. Someone can ask you the most innocuous of questions and for some reason it just really, really pisses you off. It’s not you it’s me is a 100% acceptable phrase to use in this situation and I find myself apologising in advance a lot more than usual for my rapidly decreasing fuse.
11. You get used to posing in a mirror in front of an entire gym pretty quickly
Actually, you get to the point where you just start posing in front of any mirror any time you see one. I have zero shame anymore (helps when you start getting shredded and looking the goods).
12. Everything revolves around meal timings
At my last job, I had notes in my calendar for ‘meal 1’, ‘meal 2’ etc. People knew if they were scheduling meetings with me around those times to be wary… Now I’m on my second prep, I feel my coping mechanisms are a lot more advanced (hopefully?), but you can bet I’m thinking about second dinner even before first breakfast!
The phrase ‘I'll meet you there after X as I need to eat’ is one that’s largely solidified in my vocabulary. It also means that I need to know the ins and out of any social plans ahead of time so I know how many meals to bring!
13. You’re going to need two wardrobes
One for off season and one for prep. It doesn’t help that I tend to get a bit excited towards the end of prep and start buying clothes with reckless abandon (everything just looks so good!). Only for them to stop fitting about two months after comp. Similarly, my off season clothes look like parachutes right now!
14. As someone who never wore crop tops past 1999, I’ve started wearing A LOT of them recently. I’m nearly 30 and I don’t care!
I’m two weeks out and feeling fabulous. Deal with it!
15. If you thought you liked coffee before…
You ain’t seen nothing yet.
All jokes aside. The things I’ve learned about my body, nutrition, recovery, training, mindset and the level of dedication I am capable of, is astounding.
When I signed up for my first comp, I thought I was just signing up to get shredded and prance around on the stage in a (very expensive) sparkly bikini. While that’s gloriously true, how much I’ve grown as a person and the amazing friendships I’ve made along the way have been the most surprising things.
Have you got a ridiculous comp prep related observation? Let me know in the comments below!
Robyn xxx